Kevin Clooney

I was at the Grammies in Los Angeles on Monday night. I was stage-side working for the monitor mix fellow, Ivan. Did you see Chris Martin wave at me when he accepted the award?

It was brilliant to see the British doing so well again – showing the boring American artists how to do it. We did pretty well last year, too, what with the Amy Winehouse success and everything.

Can’t say I really like Coldplay but I was pleased they won song of the year for Vida La Viva as me and my Donna reckon it’s not half a bad little tune, what with the marching band in there and everything. I like songs with marching band in them, adds a sort of je ne say trois, if you know what I mean.

The thing about Coldplay that really annoys me – apart form Chris Martin’s affected singing style, of course - is their idiot guitarist Jonny Buckland who always looks like he’s in terrible pain when he’s playing a solo.

He probably saw some black blues musician do it and though it looked cool. Even so, if the electric guitar was as hard to play as he makes it look, no one would ever take it up in the first place.

I reckon pop stars are fickle creatures.

Take Amy Winehouse again, and take Mark Ronson. (Again.)

The pair famously fell out big-time over their collaboration on the new Bond theme but are now back in the studio working on a tribute to legendary producer Quincy Jones. Apparently, they are the best of friends again! Fickle.

My Donna reckons loads of famous people are like that: cynical - especially when money is concerned - but I reckon it’s singers who are the worst. And producers.

My old mate Kate Moss has just been immortalized in gold.

Amy Winehouse was telling me about this and I didn’t believe her, but apparently it’s true. Some swanky sculptor has made a statue of Moss out of solid gold.

Artist Marc Quinn said he wanted to sculpt the ‘ideal beauty’. He should have done one of my Donna.

Winehouse reckons she’s going to buy it and send it to Pete Doherty as a Christmas present. I bet I know what he’d do with it.

Hi, pop pickers! I bumped into Amy Winehouse the other day, nice girl, looked a bit rough as usual, though – probably had a ‘busy’ night. She’s got some dates coming up and was asking me if I was going to be on the crew. ‘You’re the best,’ she told me. I didn’t see any reason to argue with her.

Her mobile rang and she yelled into it, ‘No! Go away, clown!’
I asked her if she was being hounded by the press again but she told me no; said it was that ‘smelly Pete Doherty tw*t.’

Apparently he really fancies her and keeps ringing her up for a date. (That’s Pete on the left). What a loser.

The Libertines were a bloody good band though. I heard on the grapevine that a reunion is on the cards. You heard it here first! I’ll keep you posted on that one.

Anyway, cheerio for now.